immeasurably more

so i just finished my week of clinicals. did 20 hrs in total over the past 2 days. i now see how nursing students feel intimidated, stupid, inadequate, etc, etc. my clinical prof can say things in a way that makes you feel really dumb and like you don't know anything. but man there certainly was a reason for how God molded me the way He did over these past few months. the love of Christ compels me to love her for who she is and i know that she doesn't mean to make us feel stupid but she doesn't mean to come across like that. and that she isn't judging us for our character, but it's all for learning's sake and she's correcting us in our role as future nurses. she was telling us last night to not bring ourselves down so much if we mess up on something, but to learn from it. what wise and humbling words!

my patient last night was so dear to my heart. she reminded me of my grandma in korea. they're both very chatty and short and have small round faces with chubby cheeks. my patient would talk on and on and on but i didn't get annoyed. sometimes i wasn't even following what she was saying because i would kinda zone out for a little bit. but i dunno, just being in her presence gave me comfort and i know the feeling was mutual too. she wished that she could bring me home to take care of her! and for some reason i felt that i wouldn't mind that either. :)

i woke up this morning with a hunger that wasn't physical. so i went to the word and found the verse that shook me to my core during harvest retreat:

now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work with us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! amen. --ephesians 3:20-21

immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. sigh. come, Lord Jesus, come.

i have a day off today, thank You Lord! i plan on going running, cooking for some dear brothers, studying for my peds test next week, just living and knowing in God's love. :)

big baby wahh

so i was playing on anne's beautiful big baby taylor guitar with a beautiful sound and i feel like just the design and quality of the guitar made me play better. ahhhh i so want one. i just love love love worshiping with guitar. sigh but we'll see...they're quite expensive.

so check out this william fitzsimmons guy, his music is awesome! so pleasant to my ears.

artsy fartsy

lol i just thought these guys looked pretty fly. i dunno when this photo was taken but seems like it's from the 70's or 80's? this just goes to show old school fashion really does come back!

so i was thinking today...

i think i really do appreciate the arts. (i googled "the arts" and came upon the photo above)

and coming to that conclusion gave me a lot of comfort for some reason.

maybe everyone's like this to a certain extent but whenever i see something with a creative artsy flair like in music, photography, movies, paintings... i get slightly excited about it and just appreciate it even more. oh the creativity, imagination, emotion!

i think i sound pretty vague. some examples...

• in hillsong's "tear down the walls," there's a part in the song when it's no voices, just instruments and you can hear strings plucking in the background. it's so beautiful and soothing. when i hear it i get this huge sense of majesty.
• i saw this video which i got off of a friend's tumblr and i got the impression that the video maker tried to depict our everyday normal lives and how Jesus is still a huge part of it. that's huge in itself!
• love looking at photos and just seeing light peek through trees, vibrant colors popping out in unexpected places, facial expressions that perfectly capture emotion, black and white contrast, different perspectives & angles, colors that just work well together... ahh it's all just great eye candy :)
• i think cooking can be an art too right? it really gets my creative juices flowing. i love taking random ingredients and forming it into a beautiful orchestration of a dish. i love those cooking shows like top chef. the mind is so unique!

this must be why i'm so much more into the art rather than the science of nursing. i love how nurses all can bring their own flavor into their care. there isn't one way to do it. they make it their own.

i think i have a passion for trivia. those games like taboo, cranium, charades, catchphrase, scattergories really get my blood running and i get overly excited. i think i just like testing my brain to see how much stuff i know. esp random pop culture stuff! i love it! ok that was a totally random thought but just wanted to throw that in there!

psalm 138

1 i will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;

before the "gods" i will sing your praise.

2 i will bow down toward your holy temple

and will praise your name

for your love and your faithfulness,

for you have exalted above all things

your name and your word.

3 when i called, you answered me;

you made me bold and stouthearted.

4 may all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,

when they hear the words of your mouth.

5 may they sing of the ways of the LORD,

for the glory of the LORD is great.

6 though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,

but the proud he knows from afar.

7 though i walk in the midst of trouble,

you preserve my life;

you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,

with your right hand you save me.

8 the LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O LORD, endures forever--

do not abandon the works of your hands.

---

i wanna live for eternity purposes. we're living for this mighty God...isn't praise and worship to Him due? even the mere realization of how great a God He is doesn't really seem enough. there's so much more. living in the spiritual realm is so much more beyond what we could have ever thought of on our own.

yes, we certainly should enjoy life. so many people (including me) think that living for God equals a dull life of just praying and fasting. okay, i admit just thinking of doing that makes me wanna have some spice thrown in there too. but the question lies in are we enjoying our lives over enjoying God? what are those idols? i might say, hey, i can enjoy God by enjoying life! but it says in the Word:

be happy, young man, while you are young,

and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.

follow the ways of your heart

and whatever your eyes see,

but know that for all these things

God will bring you to judgment.

--ecclesiastes 11:9

so there it is. we better be expecting judgment for all we do because it's coming. it makes sense when pastor david was saying at the prayer meeting on saturday how he evaluated his actions over something so small like flushing the toilet.

and on another note. i've been realizing more about how depriving apathy is. it really does eat away at a soul. think about it--doesn't it say so much more to be passionate about something than to utterly not care about anything at all? some pastor was saying how he'd rather see people of our generation be passionate even if it was for something totally ungodly because that's how much apathy is so present. and that's what the Lord says too:

i know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.

i wish you were either one or the other!

so, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--

i am about to spit you out of my mouth.

--revelation 3:15-16

so last night i went to a screening for invisible children (btw, if you feel really inclined to, i'd suggest signing the petition for ending the war in n. uganda) and it really did break my heart. having young children being stripped of their innocence and forced to become murderers...there's definitely something wrong here. there's just a huge imbalance of the order of life. it made me realize that just about everything involving evil rising up in a huge way...it's a spiritual issue. the leader of this uprising, joseph kony, does spiritual practices and rituals where he is clearly feeding upon the power of satan whether he realizes it or not. he claims to follow after the Christian bible, but how does that make it okay for him to massacre thousands of the innocent? the burden upon my heart for him was so heavy. the burden of satan entangling and choking him into deception. this man needs deliverance more than us trying to have peace talks with him.

anyway...i kinda went off on a tangent. but what i'm really trying to say is that it's one thing to be passionate about something just for the sake of being passionate. like, i could just join and be partners with invisible children because it feels good to be a part of a social movement, right? plus it also makes me look like a good person because it shows that i'm passionate. but is this really my own passion? of course God gave us a passion to love him, but i think that passion could be lived out through other sub-passions, let's say. like a passion for medicine, business, technology, cooking, writing, etc etc. these passions are all God planted and intended to be used for His glory. you know when a certain passion is coming from your heart, that's when you know that this passion is yours.

so, what's your passion?

john mayer's pretty deep

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

how you were raised and treated by your parents can really say so much about who you are now. i truly testify to that! just a thought i had while listening to this song a few days ago. well i've always thought that but i realized that john mayer agrees with me on this too. God can really use anyone huh?

just finished my patient data sheet for peds meaning i am finally DONE with all the work for this clinical! now on to adult health which will be an interesting learning experience.

the prayer meeting earlier today with pastor matt was of course awesome because the Lord's always awesome. i could tell so many people were being ministered by the Spirit. it was hugely placed on my heart to rebirth a house of prayer at jmu. i love all this connection and bridging that's been happening lately. Lord, bring it on. and satan, you bring it on too :)

run run finish the race!