so i'm not one who is musically inclined, but i've been having a heart of worship lately through voice and guitar. i kinda started picking up guitar again this summer and i can see an improvement in me, but i definitely have a long way to go. i always enjoyed singing like during worship times at large groups and church but i wouldn't really say i have a gift. actually, when i first started to live out a relationship with Christ in college and i sang more worship songs, it was a bit challenging at first for my voice to adjust to the songs for some reason. i guess for me singing secular and christian songs were different somehow. but over time i got better at singing worship songs and eventually didn't get so bashful at singing them when i knew other people could hear me. expressing praise and worship to God through music is so beautiful and powerful. those sweet melodies just tug at one's heart in a very special and unique way.
i'll provide an example: i work at a home health agency as a home health aide and i visit elderly clients and provide them help and care for different things such as food prep, bathing, toileting, dressing, taking meds, etc. there's a list of things that we need to check off for each individual client. i visit this one lady almost every week and she has alzheimer's. she can get incoherent in her speech and the way she processes other people's speech is just way off. like i would say "would you like some lunch?" and she would say something like "would i like some...smurf?" so i was visiting her one day and i was like man, i gotta provide her with something more than all of these things on her care plan list. everything had been checked off and done and i didn't feel like just sitting there watching her tv while she's sitting in her chair dozing off. across the room i noticed their keyboard. i've always seen it but never thought about playing. but that day i decided to play it. i only have two years of piano experience and i only know right hand so i was just playing simple melodies. there was an old church hymnal from the '40's on the stand so i was playing some hymns from that. then this lady says one of the very few things that actually made sense that day. but this was the most profound of them all: "oh, that sure does sound pretty." when i ask this lady a simple question, she doesn't understand me but when i played some simple melodies on the piano, something must have just clicked in her heart. i sat there amazed in awe and wonder at the work music has just done to this lady.
anyway, i've been playing more of the guitar this week and i've really been enjoying it. ellen and i were jamming around at my place on sunday with some songs that were laying around in my living room. i noticed the song "refiner's fire" and realized that it's doable for me. the only chord that i'm unfamiliar with in that song is asus but i just play a for that. ellen and sunah went home and sarah left for nova and i was left alone in my apartment. i started to play this song more and noticed that there was a difference in my voice. it sounded more pleasant to my ears, more controlled, and surprisingly had a little bit of vibrato. not only did it sound nice, but it was genuine worship. my heart's one desire was to be refined as gold and precious silver. my heart was crying out because i need Jesus more and more each day. and what's even more crazy is when i talked to pastor matt that night, he referred to this song when he was encouraging me.
there's no such thing as coincidence.
i titled this entry 'soul massage' because this experience with music reminded me of the book "blue like jazz" by donald miller. one of the things that really stuck with me is when he talks about how he was alone and isolated from other people for a period of time (ch 14). he calls up a good friend to talk with because he got scared at how he was going a bit wacko from being alone all the time. as she was telling him stories about her life and such, it was like she was massaging his soul. hearing another person's voice was so soothing. i felt like music was massaging my soul which had been so tense before and it massaged the soul of my dear client with alzheimer's.
anyway, i should learn how to write in a more simple and straight to the point way because this entry got way too long.
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